What You Mean to Me, What I Mean to You
by theworldofhetalia
Summary: Germany is thinking he is a monster and doesn't want Italy finding out for fear of him leaving. Little does he know of the Italian's true desires, and leaving isn't one of them. GerIta Boy x Boy Don't Like Don't read, Rated T because I'm paranoid.


**Hey guys! Sorry I haven't updated in so long. Also, my internet has been acting weird lately so I couldn't get this up sooner either. Hopefully this will make up for all of that unfilled time I haven't been updating. So this is my first GerIta fanfic so please, tell me what you think and what I can do to improve my later fanfics. **

**As always, I don't own anything. Hetalia belongs to Himaruya. SakuraMoriChan helped me with fixing and helping create this plot. Please look at her profile and read her awesome stories, too!**

Germany was sitting in front of his fireplace on a cold, January night. It was 1942, well into World War II, and his boss… was going absolutely insane. Germany used to obey his boss with zeal and jolly, for he thought what his country was accomplishing was the best thing ever. Now, he realized he had been brainwashed. Seeing so many suffer, he sometimes would think he'd gone crazy when he imagined blood on his hands and face in the mirror that morning. He now understood how the Allies saw of him. They didn't see him as another fellow nation, a friend, or a neighbor. He was a monster to them.

The only nations that even were his friends or stayed around him were Prussia, Japan, and strangely enough, Romano and Italy. Especially Italy, who usually would freak out at anything scary or if he sees something that he doesn't like. Now that he thinks about it… Why is Italy staying around him? How can he not see the monster that he is becoming?

As if his mind called him, Italy entered the room in his pajamas. "Ve? Germany? What are you doing here at two in the morning?"

Germany looked at Italy in surprise. "Oh, Italy. I didn't know you were awake."

Italy had his usual goofy expression. "I heard you get out of bed, but I thought you went to use the bathroom, so I didn't think much of it. But you didn't come back as quickly as you usually do, so I got worried. Anyways, what are you doing down here so late?"

Germany turned his gaze back to the flames. "…I couldn't sleep that well." It wasn't a total lie. He had been having trouble sleeping, but he wasn't sure if Italy would like to hear why.

Italy's happy smile twitched. He had been around Germany long enough to know what's bugging him, much less when he lies. Italy brushed it away. If Germany didn't want to talk about it, he wasn't going to pry it out of him. "Well, how about I help you get back to bed? …Oh! How about I make you some hot chocolate? You know the one with whipped cream and cinnamon powder?"

Germany's previous smile faded. "It's okay, Italy. I just need to think things through."

Italy became curious. "What's bugging you, Germany?" Screw giving Germany his space, he really wanted to know!

Germany really wasn't going to tell Italy what was happening, he didn't want to scare him away. His other friend, Japan, was out in the Pacific, so he only had Italy to keep him company. He didn't want to risk losing that precious friendship with Italy, otherwise… he didn't want to think about what could happen.

"It's nothing of too much importance, Italy. I'm just thinking about those dummkopf Allies." At least he wasn't completely lying. He could bring himself to tell a full lie to Italy.

Something in Italy snapped. He was tired of these half lies and half truths. At first it didn't bother him, now he was tired of feeling not trust worthy enough to Germany. His cheery smile left and a blank stare and a monotone voice took its place. "You should stop sprinkling truth over your lies, Germany. It's easier for an enemy to find your weakness."

Germany, shocked by Italy's words, turned around only to be more shocked by the blank face that usually held the cheerful face he knew so well. Italy knelt to Germany's level. The flames from the fireplace casted shadows and light fragments across his face, giving him a menacing and mysterious air about him.

Italy spoke each word very slowly, as if the clarity and meaning would be lost if he spoke faster. "Germany. Stop lying. I want you to trust me. I won't judge you and I won't tell anyone. So please, tell me what's wrong."

Germany, though worried about what was going on with Italy, felt reassured in his words. Yet, he wasn't totally on board with telling Italy. He was afraid Italy would see the monster he had become and leave him alone in fright. One thing Germany hated more than anything was being alone. Italy was… one of the few things –the few people– in his life that made living possible. The Allies may have thought he was insane by now, but Italy was one of the last few strands tying him down. Italy kept him sane. Without Italy, he would have been engulfed by insanity years ago.

There was something else that kept him from telling Italy. Recently, he started feeling something different about Italy. Usually, he just saw him as a friend, but ever since Italy started kissing him on the cheeks every now and then at random intervals with no reason or saying it was what friends in Italy do. He was considering the possibility that he wanted to be more than Italy's friend. Germany didn't want Italy to leave and take all those possibilities with him without him exploring them first.

Germany was silent for several seconds, which irritated Italy a little, but Germany spoke up first. "Italy… you promise not to judge me? Do you promise… to still be my friend after I tell you?"

Italy opened his eyes, which was rare, in surprise. He fought back that surprise with the happy smile he wore on his face. "Germany… I'll always be there for you no matter how bad or scary things get!" Italy pumped his right fist in the air for dramatic effect.

Germany looked at the floor. "I just don't want you to be afraid of me, Italy."

Italy had a momentary lapse of silence before asking, "Why would I be scared of you?"

It was now or never. Germany spoke quietly, to the point where Italy had to lean in to hear. "It's because… I'm a monster. I've done so many terrible things, Italy. So many. I've killed so many innocent lives, even some of your people. The Allies are right. I'm nothing but a blood thirsty monster."

Italy was silent for several seconds. Germany took that time to ask Italy one other thing he was pondering over for so long. "Italy. Since I'm such a monster… Why do you stay around me? Why are you so nice to me even though I'm such a terrible person?"

At that, Italy's face turned serious and he lightly slapped the back of Germany's head. He didn't hurt Germany, but it was enough to have Germany's, rather shocked, attention. Italy's tone deepened. "First off, don't say you're a monster, because you're not. A real monster wouldn't know what's right or wrong. A real monster would not show emotion with the actions it did, either. Just the fact that you know what's happening is wrong and you are upset or even remorseful about it makes you not a monster. Secondly, the Allies only think that because they suffer from your boss's actions. I once thought you were a monster, too. But that was before we met during World War I, and after I got to know you… you weren't that bad. I saw you for who you were. And… Later during the war… I may have… wanted to be… more than just your friend…" Italy turned away with a blush on his face with every second.

Germany sat there in total silence trying to understand all that was said. He was glad Italy wasn't afraid of him and wasn't going to leave. Then, when Italy mentioned his feelings… he wasn't sure if this was Italy's way of confessing love. He was "by the manual" type of guy. His manuals never said anything on what to do in these situations! He was mentally freaking out until he remembered Italy's words from training this morning.

_There are some things in life that don't have a manual or instructions for. So listen to your own manual… your heart!_

Those words have never rung so true.

Germany looked at Italy. "Italy… what you're saying is that… you like me… right?"

The back of Italy's head was facing Germany, but he saw a nod in conformation. Germany sighed deeply before putting a hand on one of Italy's cheeks. Italy turned to look at his friend, and upon seeing that Germany had moved closer so they were side by side, he fidgeted a little, now understanding why Japan was big on personal space. Germany took Italy's hands in his own.

Germany looked at the Italian's now open eyes, revealing the sweet, milky amber eyes. "Italy… Feliciano… you have no idea how happy I am with you. In a way, I like you, too." The thick, German accent mesmerized the Italian.

Germany leaned in close to the Italian's face, and Italy gladly tilted his head up to receive the shy, sweet kiss. It didn't involve tongues, but, nevertheless, it was still a kiss. Germany moved his hands from the Italian's to wrap around the Italian's body. Italy sighed into the kiss while wrapping his arms around the German's neck. They continued the sweet kiss like this until they broke away for much needed air.

Italy looked Germany in the eye. "Ve~ Does this mean we're together? Like dating?"

Germany stared at the Italian with a small smile. "Ja, of course."

Italy had a glowing aura around him. "Ve~ I'm so happy!"

Italy then stood up. "Germany, would you still like some hot chocolate?"

Germany stifled a laugh unsuccessfully. "Only if you want some yourself, and try not to make too much of mess in there."

"Ok!~" Italy bounced into the kitchen merrily. Slightly worried, Germany went into the kitchen to clean up any mess Italy made in the kitchen.

After making and sipping the hot chocolate, both nations traveled to Germany's bedroom. Italy shed all of his clothing and hopped into the bed and waited for Germany to follow suit. As Germany crawled into the bed, pulled up the covers, and cuddled with his new Italian boyfriend, all he could think was how lucky he was to have Italy with him… and possibly having him in bed naked wasn't going to be bad at all.

**I hope you guys liked this! Please ignore the small typing mistakes in this. I have one more chapter to add to Call of Duty: Express Your Love and then I want you guys to PM me giving me ideas for your OTP to star in the next story! You can give me ideas now if you like!**

**Review, please!**

**Dummkopf = idiot**


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